Don't You Know Where I'm Lyrically At?

Hello !! Long time no blog. After being inspired by Lynn's comment on Brooke's blog about how her friend Marie thought that instead of "I ain't no Hollaback girl" Gwen Stefani was declaring, "I ain't no Harlem black girl." This got me thinking, my friends and I are AMAZING when it comes to hearing and singing the wrong lyrics to all types of songs. So, for your entertainment, here are some of the doozies that my friends and I have come up with over the years.

One of my earliest memories of wrong lyrics, has to be when the whole boy band movement was in full string. And as a good teenager, I lapped up all of the boy bands, *NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, LFO, 98 Degrees, etc. So one day, while listening to "Think About You" by LFO (Lyte Funkie Ones, for those who were wondering). My two friends start singing along.

What the Lyrics Actually Are: Got me trippin', showing off your rose tattoo, right above your ankle...
What my Friends Sang: Got me trippin', showing off your rose tattoo, right about your raincoat...

okay, raincoat and ankle, sound so much alike. But yet, here's another good one, courtesy of my friend from High School. The song she will be butchering today is, "Country Grammar" by Nelly

What The Lyrics Are: I'm going down, down baby, your street in a range rover, street sweeper baby, cocked ready to let it go, shimmy shimmy cocoa puff, listen to me now, light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now
What my Friend Said: I'm going down, down baby, your street towards the rainbow, late sleeping baby, cocks are ready to let go, shimmy shimmy cocoa pops, listen to me now, light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now

Even NELLY can be butchered a lyrical novice gets a hold of his poetry. But perhaps some of the best have come from one of my favorite bands, Fall Out Boy. They have alot of hard to understand lyrics, so what's a girl to do? Make up her own of course.

This song, "Dead on Arrival" had alot of wrong lyrics in it, well perceived by my friends and I, at least.

What's Being Sang: Well it goes so deep between me and this loss of sleep, over you.
What I Sing: Well it goes so deep between me and this loss of sleep, babababooooo.

Another good one is:

What's Being Sang: This is side one, flip me over
What I Sing: Busy sidewalks, flip me over

When it comes to Fall Out Boy, sometimes it sounds like they are saying something else, than what they are saying, which is when the dedications of my putting people's names into the songs comes into play. In "Grand Theft Autumn," the song actually becomes about my friend Janine.

What's Being Sang: You need him, I could be him, I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
What I Sing: Janiiiiine, I could be him, I could be an accident but I'm still trying.

And last but DEFINITELY not least, one of my favorite misheard lyrics in the whole. This comes from a band called, Name Taken, and definitely one of my favorites. This song is called, "Cover Up" and it's amazing, but I'm the only person who can make a song about breaking up, seem like a song about food.

What's Being Sang: Do you remember when you and I, were less than us and we?
What I Sing: Do you remember when you and I, were less than a sandwich?

Who doesn't love sandwiches? Speaking, I think I might go have one.

What's In Your Wallet...or umm...Purse?

Here we go, based on Brooke's last blog, she asked us all to join in and blog about the contents of our purses. So this is what my includes...

- Work Photo Id (on nifty nylon lanyard)
- Car Keys (complete with 5 of those discount cards from, Shop Rite, CVS, DSW, Lady Foot Locker, Contempo Casuals, and GNC)
- A Bottle of Arizona Iced Tea with Honey (This seriously fits, I'm not lying)
- Two packs of cigarettes (1 Parliment Menthol Lights, 1 Marlboro Menthol Lights)
- My Wallet
- Two Checkbooks
- Notes Josiah and I write to each other in class
- Tag from $108 French Connection jeans I bought on Sunday
- Directions on "How To Care for an Above the Neck Piercing"
- Receipt for Utz Brand Potato Chips (Dated 11/23/04)
- Good Charlotte's Album "The Chronicles of Life And Death"
- "Freedom Lights The Way" Matches
- Receipt from the Liquor Shop
- Package of 4 Energizer AA Batteries
- Cell Phone
- One Oxandrin Pen (My company makes this drug)
- One Good Charlotte/Sum 41 Concert ticket
- Two Lighters
- One Hair Tie
- Three Tutti Dolci Lip Glosses in: Chocolate Fondue, Creme Brulee, and Sugar Wafer
- One Covergirl Compact in Translucent Honet
- Two Anti-Bacterial Lotions (in Coconut Lime Verbena and Moonlight Path) and one Anti-Bacterial Gel (In Moonlight Path)
- Four Feminine Products
- $38 in Paper Money
- Four quarters, 17 dimes, 12 nickles, 12 pennies, 1 Aruban Florin, and 1 Aruban 10 cent piece.
- And finally, in the back pocket I have 21 Trojan condoms.

Damn, I have alot of baggage. Now, I ask you, who has better stuff in their purse, Brooke or I??

Friends Forever

Okay I haven't posted in a really long time. So now I'm going to dedicate this post to some of the best memories my friends have presented me with over the last few years. These will be in depth, so everyone knows what I'm talking about, and sure to please those who know what I'm talking about and were there.

My first friend memory happened on Sunday, and rings fresh in my mind. Amanda, who we all know is a light weight, was sitting at Jose Tejas with me, Ashley, and Regina when we were trying to figure out what to do after we left. Amanda then comes into the conversation, visibly intoxicated.

Amanda: You know what's fun?

The rest of us: No, what?

Amanda: We should go to Wegman's, go down the candy aisle, take candy, then weigh it.

Allison: *blank stare*

Ashley: *puts head in hands*

Regina: What?!?

Amanda: C'mon, it's fun.

Later that night after Amanda sobered up a little bit, and talked to my dad (which she loves to do while inebriated) I was driving her home, and she asked me if I wanted the candy that she had weighed and purchased at Wegman's.

Amanda: What a chocolate covered pretzel or a Swedish fish?

Allison: I don't want your stupid candy, stop pushing it on me. Why

did you get it anyway?

Amanda: I really wanted to weigh it.

So now, all you guys who wanted to date Amanda, now you know the way to her heart, the candy aisle at Wegman's so she can weigh candy. That's it. Dream date for Amanda.

Next good fun memory. This one comes from Lauren. She's my partner in crime. One night at a club, we ran into Theo from Road Rules. So after much convincing, we actually ended up kinda kidnapping him and bringing him from Clifton to Edison. By telling him that it was only a 20 minute drive. Lauren, Jenny, and I kept yelling at each other because everyone except for me was extremely drunk (which actually is odd), to which out of nowhere, Theo yells to us. "CHILL OUT BITCHES !!!" at the top of his lungs. Thanks for helping in the Theo kidnap, Lauren :)

This is a recurring memory, because well, whenever I see this kid he says the same thing to me, that he said when we were 14. My friend Danny, who I've known for 17 years, was drinking beer one day when we were 14. And apparently I must have asked him how the beer was. Because this is what he replied with:

"I had some beer. And it was warm. And I was like, 'uh, warm beer.'"

That just reminds me of the innocence of my childhood. Not liking warm beer. How naive we were.

Well, that's my friends, and how much fun we are. If you ever want to hang out with us, send a personal cheque, traveller's cheque, cash, or your credit card number to:

Some Real Friends

1000 Loser Way

Carteret, NJ

07008

Oh Sweet Nectar

Brooke brought to my attention yesterday that I haven't blogged in a while. Well, she's right. I haven't blogged in a while. And this morning I was supposed to be at work at 8 am. Well, I came in at 9. Cause I hit the bar a little too hard last night. Makes me think of the first time I got plastered (in college). So here it is. In all of it's entirety.

Three years ago, I was attending, Temple University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I also decided that it would be a good idea to pledge a sorority my first semester freshman year. And we all know what the leads to, binge drinking and promiscuous sex. Sex, I didn't fall into that so much. Drinking, however, I fell into that like it was a swimming pool of beer and I was balancing myself on the edge. It was fabulous. I still love it to this day. But hell, this was underage drinking. There was an aura to it. There was a sense of danger, if I got caught, I'd get into a lot of trouble. I liked that feeling. I wanted to have it all the time. So here's my story:

It's the second or third week at school, I rushed, got into Delta Zeta. It's a Saturday night. Since it's still early in the semester, you're still hanging out with all the people who live on your floor and in your building. I'm with maybe 5 or 6 people from my dorm, and we're walking up and down Broad Street looking for a party. It's a blackout night for frats, which means that they can't party at all, since they just took pledges. So Saturday night, we're 18, that means there's nothing to do. We could go out to Penn or Drexel, but who wants to pay for a cab?

While walking on Broad Street, one of my new sisters comes up to me, asks me what I'm doing, to which I naively reply, "I'm looking for a party." She looks at me and laughs at me a little bit, (come on, one look at me screamed Freshman) and tells me to come with her to her apartment. So I go. There is drinking, sisters, everything. We're drinking beer, doing shots, everything. All of a sudden, the hard liquor runs out, fine you know, cause there's still a keg, but a bunch of us were doing shots. One of my sisters, Anita, says, "there's no more vodka, but I do have that home made liquor that Christine left here." We take it out and basically start doing shots of moonshine. Shot after shot after shot. Finally, around 3am I stumble home. My roommate went home for the weekend, but she IMs me as soon as I take off my away message. Her name was Stef. This is how the conversation roughly went:

S: How was your night?
A: giood, i drianke a littike
S: What?
(two minutes later)
A: I drank
A: I don't feel so well
S: Don't throw up in the room, my parents are coming tomorrow.
A: Okay.
(15 minutes later)
S: Alli, you okay?
A: I threw up a little.
S: WHERE?
A: Well, remember when we got the newspaper the other day, and we left it on the floor?
S: Yeh...
A: Good thing it was there. Cause I'm like a puppy, train me and I'll go on the paper.
S: ALLI ! THE ROOM IS GOING TO SMELL !! My parents are coming !!
A: It was just a little, I made it to the bathroom. I already threw out the paper, washed the spot with bleach, and febreezed the whole room. No one will know anything.
S: Where did you learn all this?
A: Elementary, my dear Stefani. Elementary.


I swear that's how the conversation went. Because I have it saved on my computer. I'm so slick and suave, and I can throw up on the paper.

So yeh. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

PS: Halloween party tonight !!

This Is Dedicated to the One, The Only, Lynn Gallo

Ever wonder what it's like to be tortured? Well, become acquainted with Lynn Gallo. She'll email you at work, she'll tell you to call her, then acted annoyed that you did. She'll tell you that you suck, then she'll tell you that you owe her a million dollars because she doesn't like the same baseball team that you do. This is what it's like to NOT work for Lynn Gallo. Because, she's NOT MY BOSS!! We don't even work in the same proximity of another.

Granted, knowing Lynn has it's perks. She tells you her way cool Halloween costume, and about things that she likes to do in her spare time. But then, she'll tell you you're invited places, BUT DOESN'T INVITE YOU ANYWHERE, when you invite her to your way cool Halloween party.

Lynn Gallo is bad news. She can micromanage you from across 4 towns. I don't know where she contracted these horrible super powers, but she has them, and I'm just letting you know to beware. I think she's a littl evil. Plus, she smells a little.

I've Got No Ideas for a Title

This is in response to Amanda's latest post on her blog. Please visit Blonde Girl to see what I am referring to.

Okay, I'm not one to judge anyone. But I totally disagree with her post. Not just because this particular boy in question is an EXTREMELY good friend of mine. But every now and then things happen. A little background, this guy who Amanda went out with in actuality is really shy. It was a big deal for him to call her. And despite the fact that he really wanted to go out with her, there was a lot of coaxing to be done in order for him to build up the confidence to call her.

Also, for the not knowing where they are going, I've been on many a date where the guy asked me to hang out and I've had to chose the restaurant. Not because I'm a controlling little bitch, but because guys are extremely indecisive. It has nothing to do with the fact that he didn't know what do, but merely with the fact that he was so nervous he didn't want to suggest a place where she didn't want to go. He was trying to be considerate. Not everyone has Herculean confidence, and little things can sometimes be really hard to do.

I think I'm going to take this point by point, so heading onto number 2. If someone used to be an ex-drug dealer, you know what that probably wasn't one of their proudest moments. But say that they kept this a secret? Would you want to know in the beginning, or let's say you get serious and something comes up down the line. Would you rather be shocked and betrayed after you've been with them so long, or know in the beginning and although you might not like it, have the chance to get over it and not judge them on their past, but look at what they are doing now?

Number 3: This goes back to being nervous. When I'm nervous, I blab on and on and on and on about the things that I know about. Maybe that's what this kid felt like what going on. You don't know. I don't know if anyone has ever seen a picture of Amanda, but she's an extremely pretty girl. If I were a guy who were out on a date with her, and I hadn't known her for very long. I'd be nervous and end up talking about the things I know something about. I know absolutely NOTHING about cars. I've been on dates where the guys talk about cars and nothing but cars for the entire time we're together. I've been on a date where in the middle of December, it's freezing out, and this kid and I are driving, someone with a nice car pulls up along side of him, they proceed to drag race down this road. Then at the stop light, rolls down, MY window and asks the kid what kind of engine is in it. How's that for inconsiderate? Also, I ended up dating him for 9 months.

Number 4: The only thing I have to say for this is that if someone was against drinking, would you expect your date not to have a drink? I mean they aren't making you do it, so what's the problem. I don't know, I just have problems with judgement on someone has different interests than you. Even though they are illegal, what's the problem.

Number 5: This is inexcusable. I mean come on, a drunk person is NEVER fun. Especially on a date, unless I am one of the drunk people, then the night inevitably gets more exciting. But I do agree with Amanda on this one.

Now, just to say one last thing. I didn't write this blog to say that I think Amanda should give this guy another chance. If she didn't like him, then I'm no one to force her to go out with him again. But my intention was to say that just because you don't like something, doesn't mean that other people don't like it. Granted, drugs are a bad bad thing, but you know what, everyone has their vices, and if they chose that, then that's fine. But oh well, what can I do? I vented. Just so you know, this kid, despite a lingering drug habit is one of the nicest, sweetest, kindest people that I know.

Come on kids, let me have it. I know it's coming.

Once Upon A Time...

Long long ago, in a place far faraway, there was a little girl who needed a friend at a Christmas party. Enter, Neal. Neal is the best kinda friend who you only see at Christmas parties and weddings a girl could ever. This is about all of the wonders of Neal. And believe me, there are many.

When I was younger, the idea of Neal was just a myth. Being that my friends and I were all in band (see my morning smut contributors), Neal was of legend to us. He was an amazing saxophone player, who dabbled in flute. He also had another credit to his name, he was a master of vocal stylings. To meet Neal would be like meeting royalty. And believe me, it was.

At the annual Christmas party thrown by Brooke's husband, Brandon. I came across Neal. Not knowing what to say, I did what any girl would do when meeting Neal. I threw down one mean Kid 'n' Play dance and hoped he would join in, for I heard that not only was "Papa Got A Brand New Bag" his forte, but also said dance. From this, a tradition was born. Everytime Neal and I see each other. Every function, even the wedding, the Kid 'n' Play dance must be done at least once. Although sometimes, I must do extensive warming up, while he can go into it at anytime.

Another thing one must know about Neal, is that he can read minds. Okay, maybe just Brooke's. But at another Christmas party, while playing Taboo. It was insane. Brooke would say, "uhhh..." and he's like, "A PALM TREE!!!" and it would be right. Creepy? Coincidence? With Neal, I think not.

In honor of this wonderful human being, for way too many reasons than I can list here. I will compose a lovely poem for Neal. Here it goes:

Missing from my life for many days
Long for all of those Kid 'n' Plays
Fabulous doesn't begin to describe you
Unique laugh that identifies you
Christmas time can't come fast enough
Yes Neal, it's you I miss and luff.

It was more of an ode, as per to a Grecian Urn, but good enough for Neal. So, when stumbling upon this saint on earth, please do not hesitate to throw down one mean Kid 'n' Play, he'll love it, and know that somewhere out there, I'm thinking of him.